He calls me to danger.

I was wired to be safe.

Every little thing in life, it was all going to be safe, the way I did it.  Skiing, driving, relationships, every little thing.  I was going to do it the safe way, the only way I know how. 

The wheels are turning, I know they can see that in my eyes.  They’ve always been able to see that in my eyes.  The caution.  

It’s like clockwork; one minute I’m yelling, telling everyone, “I’m free!  I’m free here!” and the next, it’s closed hands, closed heart.  You can see that, in my eyes.

Since I was little, it’s always been this way.  Complete caution.  Fear in the eyes.  Why can’t I just be reckless?  

When the driver of this little car has no idea what they’re doing, driving towards trees, turning at the last second, I recall, “Reckless.  This is how Jesus wants me to live.”

When others run and laugh and carelessly dance in the dark of the night, I’m standing off to the side, eyes darting.  When just yesterday, I proclaimed, “Reckless.  Reckless for You.” 

Clockwork.  Is it not the same thing?

Open the computer, five emails.  Junk, junk, junk, junk, a thank you.  Hours later, another thank you.  From reckless livers.  Ones that offered their full and complete lives to Him.  

“I want to be like them.”

Clockwork.

Transparency is scarce, here.  And when it’s ample, it’s thick with “me”s.  Safe, secure, guarded.  I can do that, we think.  I can do “me.”  

What’s in us that digs our fingers into safe, so far that to dig ourselves out would be taking hammers to the glass that is our lives?  How did we get in this deep?

I see what people pour themselves into, and I cringe.  I see the lives we live, the things we complain about, and I quiver.  Our tight, controlled hold on every detail of our Safe lives are not very safe at all.  

I see communities dwindling, I see pain hidden, I see ministry forsaken, I see multiple generations of people rising up to say, “Me first.” 

And is it just this city?  Is it just this city that’s rotted with decaying people all running after the Safest life?  And when we finally are confronted with the truth, it’s like clockwork.

The Enemy moves in, and it’s too hard, too much work, too crazy, too much like the life that some people are called to live.  And for the first time in our life, we turn to those around us and say, "You first.  That's not the life I'm supposed to live."  

Lukewarm.  Half-hearted.  Tepid.  Unenthusiastic.  Is that us?  This country that goes on “Vision Trips.” and checks off “help the poor” on their bucket list, comes back with the same not-hard-not-soft-heart.

It’s maddening, to me.  To see an entire Church see radical living for our Savior as… too radical, for them.  

That when He Himself brings us softly to His table and feeds us His best, we push away, push away for the world’s joys.  And we encourage them. 

When in Africa, years ago, a goat was slaughtered for us to eat… their very wealth sitting on the table, smiles on their faces.  Pure joy to share with us.  And what would have become of the situation had we pushed away from the table and delighted not in their very best?  

We’re all guilty of it.  The deep, rich bread is being held before our eyes in every moment.  Yet, how often do we turn our eyes in desire to the burnt, molded bread of this world?

Maybe we stop sometimes to be honest with ourselves.  It’s just easier to be safe, we think.  It’s easier to remain where we are.  And maybe, for some of us, where we are seems better than where He is.  

But for me?  Where He is is better.  Even when His table has been turned over by me, glasses broken, straight-up running from Grace Poured Out, I’ll be reminded.  To live every hour reckless for Jesus is to witness a lifetime of the Richest Joys, Overwhelming Victories, and Vast Faithfulness that our God freely gives.  And on that day, when I see Him, I want to remember that Safe was the path I was wired to take, but Danger was the one He chose for me.

And what better way to spend a lifetime then to spend it in danger for Him.

What a God we serve.  

 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39